Should Men and Women Talk About Their Sexual Abuse Stories And History?

Today, I am writing my personal story in my Novel Autobiography. In time past, I had tried and it had been too draining, and today finding the courage means it doesn't have to hurt. What lessons have I learnt in my time unliving the trauma from yesterday? Is it something we should share?

Perhaps like me, today or someday, you finally decide to relive your sexual abuse experience in writing and to the public. Not in your mind, where it is constantly your sleepover ceiling wallpaper,  or where it serves as some horror décor for your nightmares when they visit. You want to make your story public.  I mean, you decide that you want to tell the world about that moment in the history of histories when your breasts were kneaded, your buttocks was swatted, strange fingers pried into your insides, or some foreign body tore your body apart and took unpaid rent in your mind forever.

Someone even asks you why you would choose to after all these years to open up new wounds? Why are you talking about your private life and not letting sleeping dogs lie? But you know that the dogs are barking because dogs don’t just always sleep forever, or do they? They ask, why discuss something so ugly with strangers and letting them into the sacredness of your pain? Why oh why?

Firstly, your life is your life and your story is the collection of events that makes the plot of your life. The copyright is yours. Yours only. Now ugly things happen in real life. People died. People are robbed. Husbands cheat. Wives commit polyandry.  Children become robbers. Lecturers ask for sex. People sniff glue. Life can get ugly, and sometimes this ugliness splashes into an ordinary person’s life or even a Christian with supernatural life.

(PAUL’S SUFFERINGS IS GOOD REFERENCE: Of the Jews five times received I forty stripes save one. Thrice was I beaten with rods, once was I stoned, THRICE I SUFFERED SHIPWRECK, a night and a day I have been in the deep; in journeyings often, in PERILS of waters, in PERILS of ROBBERS, in PERILS BY MINE OWN COUNTRYMEN, in PERILS by the heathen, in PERILS In the city, in PERILS in the wilderness, in PERILS in the sea, in PERILS among false brethren; in weariness and painfulness, in watchings often, IN HUNGER AND THIRST, in fastings often, in COLD AND NAKEDNESS). EMPHASES IN CAPITAL LETTERS ARE MINE.

That ordinary or extraordinary person could be you. After the incident, there is something called trauma, and that thing takes over your memories, magnifies it and posts it on the feed of your mind.

Example, my son at age 3 visited a cell meeting with us. He was attacked by the dog in our cell leader’s home. His dad raised a chair and hit the dog. The dog, although now bleeding, continued for my son. Everyone was on its throat. My son was scared and crying. My cell leader rushed in and dragged it out; calmed my son and we had our meeting. Iyanu remembers nothing from age 3, but that dog scene is explicit. He remembers everything from start to finish- that’s trauma.

Trauma is the first time you are walking home and a guy walks up to you and snatches your bag by pulling aggressively at it. Then it happens again on your way home, but this time they are three and they are all holding a bottle each. Now you walk home and the hairs at your back are constantly on the edge if you ever have to walk in the dark or at night, and now every man that walks behind you is a potential thief until proven innocent. You are relieving your trauma with every walk and wake even if the time is just 7 pm. That’s your trauma. You relive it because your brain recognizes the heightened level of stress and reconsolidates it.

Again your trauma is yours. God understands trauma. He has experienced both love and pain simultaneously. Would He want you sharing your rape story? The bible does record rape cases too. Dinah was raped. Tamar was raped. David’s ten concubines were considered rape and some theologians are of the opinion that Bathsheba was power raped by King David. No one refuses a King.
Again, your story is your right. We all respond to trauma in different ways. We even respond to pain in different ways. Some people ignore it. Some suppress it. Some would speak and some would stay mute. If you are a talker, taking brings you healing and if you are a suppressor, quiet brings you peace- one is not superior to the other, we are wired to react and respond differently to our triggers.

In all of the secrets that God has refused to share in the Bible, sex and rape stories are not part of them. The Songs of Solomon sexualizes his beloved’s body from feet to head, like romantic blues lapping over two souls united and bonded forever, sex is good. The rules for rape and stories of rape are visible from Deuteronomy and Samuel and the punishments tell us that sexual assault is evil. If the bible shares it, your story is your copyright, God already wrote His.

One day soon, possibly in Chapter two of my ongoing book you would be reading my personal story too. Or you may check tomorrow for the unedited draft which would be available from Friday, June 12 to Sunday, June 14 at midnight. The themes and reasons for my writing the stories are nicely captured in Chapter two’s narrative and I know that someone would be “enlightened”. Every story is written with intention and I do not write for any reason outside being a blessing. God gave me this light to shine and it is my copyright. My ugliest stories are capable of turning an ashen life into a beauty to God's glory.

If you would like to share your story with the dripping pen place you can send it to drippingpenplacestore@gmail.com with the subject title: My SAS (meaning my sexual assault story) I would be delighted to write, review, and to share your stories. I agree with Wale Adenuga that we are indeed Pencils in the Hands of the Creator. Hoping to read from you soon! Thank you!